Evan

“You don’t have to be smart to play sports.”

The night had started out fun enough. The two roommates were complete opposites of each other. He was a nerd, he was a jock. Wesley loved Political Science, Evan loved Sports Science. Evan could watch any sport religiously, Wesley would rather watch the history behind any sport religiously. Wesley was going to graduate with honors, Evan was hopefully going to graduate.

But even though the two appeared to be polar opposites, they got together just fine. Great in fact. They liked spending time together and respected each other’s space. Wesley had started helping Evan with his homework when he could, and Evan had started showing Wesley the ropes of the gym. Evan hated doing his homework, but when Wesley put it as “exercising his brain” it seemed easier. And Wesley hated working out, but every time he saw the 6’3 jock’s muscled body and how it attracted others, he knew he had to work on his own shrimpy 5’6 frame.

But that night, the two had decided to go out to the bars and get drunk. When they stumbled back into their apartment, they were both finally on the long journey home towards soberdom. Wesley couldn’t remember how the conversation had started, but when he had said those words he noticed the shift in the room.

Evan slowly scooted his chair closer, shrinking the gap between the two of them. Even in his stupor, Wesley knew he’d pushed at something.

“Sports take a lot of brains, bro,” Evan started. “It’s a lot harder than you nerds think.”

Taking a slight offense at the dig–even though he was the one who had started it–Wesley decided to engage. “Prove it.”

Evan grinned. “In basketball, a dude’s gotta know which angle to throw the ball from so that it’ll peak at the right moment.”

“Anyone can toss something without thinking too much about it,” Wesley countered. He sat up a little straighter to allow his back and legs to arch out.

“Baseball’s focused completely on timing,” Evan said as he kicked his legs out in front of him.

“Baseball’s focused on hitting a ball with a stick.” Wesley stretched his bulky arms out, feigning boredom while watching how his bis and tris popped.

Evan cracked his ankles. “Football is all about strategy and the ability to work under pressure.”

Wes snorted, placing his hands down on his meaty thighs. “No, that’s just reacting to things happening around you.

“Lacrosse has probably more rules and complications than any game played in America.” Evan watched as Wes blinked a few times before firing back his response.

“The only thing interesting about lacrosse is that it’s been here longer than white people.” In his head, the comeback had seemed a lot slicker, but once the words had left his mouth Wesley realized it wasn’t really a retort. He was starting to feel dizzy, thinking the alcohol was maybe coming back for round two.

“And wrestling?” Evan pushed, moving himself a little closer. “The tactics and flexibility those bros display are awesome.”

Wesley hunched forward off the couch and onto the ground, moving forward into a comfortable position on his knees. “Bunch of hot, sweaty men rolling around isn’t really a sport. It’s just porn.”

Evan chuckled as he gripped the carpet with his toes and pulled, shrinking the gap even more. “Soccer’s all about coordinating teamwork between the bros; gotta have communication skills.”

“Dude, everyone knows how to talk by middle school.” Wesley chuckled at his burn, his laughs becoming more guffaw-ish as they continued.

“And swimming requires knowing about aerodynamic functions and the resistances of water.” Evan then popped his Size 14 feet up, now only inches away from Wesley’s body and almost directly beneath his roommate.

“It’s swimming, dude.” Wesley tapped his broad forehead dully. “You just swim bro, ain’t no thought in it.”

“Funny,” Evan remarked. “I’d say the same about you.”

“Huh?” Wesley replied dumbfounded. Before he could think too much about it, Wesley watched as Evan hitched his leg up. The meaty sole was lifted right into his face and suddenly became all Wesley could focus on. With a goofy grin, Evan leaned his head back and simply said the word.

“Sniff.”

With his mouth hanging open, Wesley’s body swayed forward as he took in a breath. The stupefying jockish foot funk seeped into his bloodstream, eliminating anything that promoted higher intelligence. Instead, values centered around despising learning corrupted Wesley’s personality as his new focus became relying on networking and sweet-talking people with his good looks and charming personality.

Evan, figuring his roommate had spent enough time under the influence of his feet, carefully lowered his leg back down and watched as the other male tried to re-enter reality.

“You know, maybe you were right, bro,” Evan said.

“Uh…about what?” Wes replied, scratching his head as he leaned back against the couch, his 6’4 brutish frame positioning itself into a comically Neanderthal-like criss-cross-applesauce posture. He even had a finger scratching at his temple.

Evan chuckled. “Maybe you really don’t have to be smart to play sports.”

Wes released a deep laugh from his belly in response. “That’s obvious, dude–I’m proof!”

Evan smiled as he watched the other jock laugh at his own stupidity, the recovering drunken state probably still having some effect as well. Evan had liked who Wes was before, and he had really needed the tutoring help, but nerds always ended up assuming they were better than everyone else simply due to their intelligence. Sure, the comment was probably made out of an intoxicated state and Evan had probably overreacted. But that was a problem Sober Evan could deal with. Drunk Evan just wanted to sit back, enjoy the situation, and relax.